Wednesday, 11 April 2007

When I Grow Up

The first thing I ever remember wanting to be was a paleantologist - someone that digs up dinosaur bones. Dinosaurs fascinated me. The size, the granduer, the sharp teeth, the fact that they actually were monsters that had lived on this planet. Everything about them tripped my imagination and sent me into a fantasy world, to the extent where I thought, I could gladly spend my life travelling around the world and digging them up. WRONG.

The next thing I ever remember wanting to be - and this was about from aged 8 onwards - was Emperor of Earth. No bullshit. I wanted to rule the world as a supreme, godlike entity. I always said that if I ever had the money I would buy the Hawaian islands and nuke them. Not for any particular reason, just because I could. I remember wanting to be The Shredder when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles The Movie came out (the one in the cartoons was a comic relief moron). I wanted to be Lord Zedd when I saw him in Power Rangers. I wanted to be the most evil, supreme being in the universe. WRONG.

Early teens saw me dreaming of becoming a pro wrestler. One name; Bret Hart. I wanted to be a WWF Superstar because of Bret Hart, and later Steve Austin. I always thought; "That's what I'm gonna be." Ha. Nope. That dream never really died until I tried doing pro wrestling for real. I liked it, and was pretty good at it, but decided that I didn't want to put up with feeling like I'd been hit by a truck the morning after every training session or match. WRONG.

Then I wanted to be a golfer. "I am Tiger Woods." It was a while before I realised that I would never be good enough, or have enough patience for The Gentleman's Sport, but I remember that every important putt I had always played out in mind that it was for The Open Championship, or The Ryder Cup. Even then, I chose to escape into fantasy worlds to enhance my dreams. When I figured I'd never be good enough to be a professional golfer, I thought I'd go into sports management, and be around the game and still make a shitload of money. WRONG.

Then I discovered theatre.

I thought, for the longest time, that I wanted to be an actor. I loved being part of the fantasy world and pretending to be someone else. I loved the ideaa of making a living that way. Naiive. Idealistic. Reality gave me a cold hard slap again. I went down to London and sat in on the auditions for Michael Fry's "Japes". I didn't want what I saw. I didn't want to stake my pride and worth on the line every three months for a job, any job. I also was disatisfied with never having any control over the rest of the show. I wanted to be the puppet master, not the puppet.

Which brings me to where I am now. I want to write and direct. That's what I want to do. I want to create the fantasy worlds, I want to shape them. I need to get my foot in the door of the right job first, and that will be easier once my debts are clear, but I'm trying as we speak.

How dreams change eh?

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